Things strangers say when you’re pregnant

I’m not pregnant now. But, I was. Twice. I gained a lot of weight (50 lbs with my daughter, 40 lbs with my son). That was fun. I was sick for 16 weeks with Kelsey and 21 weeks with Colton. I looked like a house and felt miserable.

I was hopeful strangers would spare me the obvious – and instead of make comments, just let me pass by in peace. Here are some of my favorite things strangers said to me. And yes, these were all said. Promise.

Is this your first one?

That’s not too harmful. But it was my first one. And 9 times out of 10 the question that follows is: Do you know if it’s a boy or girl? At that point the conversation ends. It’s unusual because I just told a stranger the sex of my first unborn child (see: personal) and then I just walk away, never to speak to this person again.

When are you due?

This is always weird. This happened at the deli counter while I was buying meat. I told the guy that I was due in February (it was October) to which he proceeded with:

Are you sure it’s not twins?

Translation: You really have 4 more months to go lady. Here, double up on the meat. You need it. I find this comment totally insulting and no offense guys, but I got this comment with each pregnancy and each time it was a man who asked it.

They are easier in than out.

This is true. Oh, so true. But when you’re pregnant you want nothing more than to get that baby out because you can’t eat, sleep, breath! The baby literally takes over and your left walking around like a beached whale to which strangers remind you of every chance they get. See the question above.

Who’s your doctor?

Really, lady? I got this question from a lady who was walking next to me in the parking lot of PetSmart. I was buying dog food and she kindly helped me lift the bag into my car. Then, turned to me and asked. Who’s your doctor? Excuse me? Yes, I have a great doctor in Scottsdale if you’re interested. This was the weirdest comment yet because – while nice of her to offer – I’m pretty sure by 7 months along I have picked out a Gynecologist.

How long have you been married?

Then they start doing math in their heads. I sit in silence for a second, then jump in … we got pregnant a year after we were married. Ohhh … they said. Then, they smile. As if I have their stamp of approval. I got this question twice. Both times from other women.

Were you trying?

Was I trying to ….? Oh, have a baby. Yes, yes my husband and I were trying to have a baby. This was a planned pregnancy. Thank you for asking, person I don’t know.

Are you going to have a natural birth?

It’s other moms who ask this. Other moms who want to tell you about their labor story and their plans. It wouldn’t be terrible to ask, ya know – mom to mom – only, I wish I knew the person. But stranger moms asked this and I vowed never, never, never to ask someone this. I don’t care how many minutes ago we met.

How are you feeling?

This one I liked. Finally … someone who actually cares about how I’m feeling. Cares that I have shooting pains down my leg at night. Cares that I have been on Zofran for 21 weeks so I don’t vomit at work. Cares that I can’t fit into my seat at the movie theater. I could have hugged this person.

In summary …

If you find yourself in public staring at a pregnant woman, and you just can’t resist the urge to say something all you need to do is say this one simple thing:

Congratulations.

Then, swiftly walk away and leave her and her hormones alone. xo

The Wellness Hat: Find time to be alone

As a parent, it’s really hard to do and it truly never feels like enough time. But, the time away from your kids, your spouse (and your stress) will do wonders for your mind.

I took my own advice this weekend. Well, that’s not entirly true. My husband forced me out of the house. I think I was walking around with those crazy-haven’t-slept-in-forever eyes. To which, my husband said, “Go. Shop. Tan. Do whatever you need to do, but don’t come back for at least four hours.” And so, this is what I did.

shopping 2

  • I sipped on a latte (by myself) at Nordstrom Cafe
  • I found a new lip color at MAC
  • I tried on designer dresses and tops (just for fun)
  • I visited Forever 21 and thought, “I’m way too old to be in here”

shopping

  • I walked by Godiva Chocolate (twice) to get the free samples
  • I got a Versa Spa sunless tan (don’t judge)
  • I stocked up on ivory candles from Pottery Barn
  • I peeked into Michael Kors

shopping 3And then, I blasted Miranda Lambert songs while I drove the long way home. Thanks, husband, for kicking me out and for recognizing that I was going a bit stir crazy.

The Parenting Hat: Idea for Teenagers

I think this is what parenting in the Digital Age will require. Remember when our parents threatened us with, “You can’t go anywhere unless your room is clean”. Well … times, they are a changing, and I’m afraid to say I’ll probably have notes like this around my house sooner than later.

The Optomistic Hat: A Happy Exercise

Today, choose joy. Here’s how: Hold up your hand and name five things that make you happy. They can be big or small. Silly or serious. Whatever they are, look at each finger as you name them off.

Really focus on how awesome each “thing” is. I promise this will help lift your spirits … and I bet you can’t narrow it down to just five.

I’ll go first. 5 things that make me happy today.

1.  Kelsey’s funky hair do’ this morning
2.  My morning Starbucks venti skinny vanilla latte
3.  I have the day off work (hurray)
4.  I’m this close to kicking my nail-biting habit
5.  I have a Chipotle buy one get one free coupon 

You’re turn.

It’s really as simple as that. Maybe I’ll do this every morning. Now, there’s a thought. Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy yourself.

The Wellness Hat: How do you do it?

When you find yourself stressed to the max, write what is really bothering you. Make sure you do it in a bulleted format so you don’t have room to elaborate. Chances are, you’ll look at your list and think – Really? That’s it? It feels like a lot in your head, but when it’s on paper, it’s not so bad. Go on, give it a whirl.

Here’s my current list:

– We are currently re-flooring our house.
– We found mold.
– We have 12 holes in our house due to recent renovations.
– Our refrigerator light just went out. It’s pretty dark in there.
– I stepped on my headphones and broke them.
– Work stress. Enough said.
– Our cat is licking himself sore. Literally. $150 vet bill.
– The dog has ticks. So gross.
– We are two men down at work. Which means, larger load for all.
– I got jury duty assigned to me last night, day before Thanksgiving.
– I just recovered from a 3-day migraine.
– Kelsey is taking forever to get to sleep at night.
– Totally forgot it was Picture Day at school.
– “Our pets heads are falling off!” You know that movie, right?

See, when I write it all down it doesn’t sound so bad at all. Besides, you have to remember this quote because it’s true. I am guilty too, I try to make things perfect all of the time and it’s really okay when things don’t go according to plans. When I try to balance everything, I end up spreading myself to thin. Don’t be so hard on yourself, don’t try to do it all, just take little steps, deep breaths and learn to let go of the things you can’t change. Remember … you’re doing the best you can.

The Working Hat: The Feeling at Night

I’ve been up all night working and it’s about time I go to bed. But my mind is going a mile a minute thinking about everything I have to do tomorrow. It’s pretty difficult for me to dream of sugar plums when all I can think about are landing pages, marketing plans and budgets.

So, I did a quick online search.

I searched on flickr, Google Images and Pinterest for “peaceful images.” Images of the night sky. Images of a lake with a few ripples of water showcasing slight motion. Images of a lighthouse overlooking the ocean. Images of the moon. Images of the stars. Images of silence.

My mind instantly felt at ease. It might be worth trying the next time you find yourself up all night. Below are some peaceful images that helped me. Aren’t they lovely?
 

If you have any tips for relieving stress, do tell.

The Inspirational Hat: Motivational Monday

Don’t let yourself become:

  • too old to believe in fairy tales
  • too cool to wait in line for a photo with Cinderella
  • too jaded to believe “happily ever afters” don’t exist

Keep believing.

The Fashion Hat: How to Pronounce Ralph Lauren

Are you ready for a random fashion fact? I used to work for Michael Kors, so you can quote me on this: The way you properly pronounce Ralph Lauren is to say Ralph Lore-IN. Just like a girl’s first name (my sister-in-law’s name, to be exact). You do not pronounce it Lor-WREN, as in Sophia Loren the actress. I feel like it’s my fashion duty to tell you this.
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Why did I think of this? Because my brother bought Kelsey these adorable Polo shoes from Zappos.com. She is about the outgrow them and I love them so much, I was browsing online to buy a new pair. Yes, this is how my mind works.
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