Last night, I was a hypocrite. I’ll tell you what happened. The Tings came over for a dinner party and so did Kelsey. After about 4 cry-at-the-top-of-your-lung moments of missing mommy (see post here), my parents thought it was best to bring her home.
Teri had just told me the story about a friend in Orange County. It’s not my story to tell, so I’ll just tell you this – on Friday morning, she passed away. She was hit by a car as she was riding her bike. It’s truly devastating. And I know her family and friends’ hearts are breaking, as she was only 29 years old.
After we tucked Kelsey into bed, the four of us stayed up late chatting about life, love, relationships and about our friend. After the Tings left for the night, Ryan and I – with heavy hearts – went to bed.
I lay awake for what felt like hours and prayed. And cried. And prayed some more. But, I couldn’t get my heart to slow down and find solace. So, contrary to what I posted about yesterday, I did the exact opposite. I walked down the hall at midnight and crawled into Kelsey’s twin bunk bed. As I lay down beside her, I felt tears roll down my cheeks as I prayed some more.
I prayed God would take some of my angels and give them to her – whatever it takes to keep her extra safe, protected and in His care … always. Then, I just listened. I listened to the beating of her heart and watched her sweet face as she slept. Suddenly, I found the solace I so desperately was looking for. I woke up about 3 hours later and stumbled back down the hall into my own bed.
As I crawled back into bed – which felt like a cloud compared to hers – I giggled at the irony. I literally posted yesterday that I would never let her come into my bed and sleep with me. Yet, I went into hers. Moms can change the rules if they want to, right?
I woke up this morning to find Kelsey and Ryan eating breakfast and watching cartoons. Everything is as it should be. Everything is good. I glanced over at this candle that Teri brought over and I’m reminded of our night.
I’m reminded of how we all promised to seize the day, eat that extra piece of dessert, live life to the fullest and savor all the sweet moments. Just like this candle, I vow to burn bright no matter what the situation – life’s too precious to not live each day as if it were your last.